Lately, I
have been astonished by how fast my boys are growing up. Perhaps every parent
feels this way. You get used to one set of routines and activities that work
well, but then things move and change, and what forms a ‘typical’ day is
transient, gradually changing, shaping, evolving. All this is good! One of our
main aims as parents is to help our children to grow, to develop, to learn, to
become fully rounded people who will make the most of their strengths and
opportunities in this world. But I still marvel at the development! A year ago,
my older two were still in nappies, had somewhat limited speech, and required
constant supervision both inside and outside the house. Now, I have two little
adventurers who communicate freely and often surprisingly eloquently, can
entertain each other for hours in the garden, playing complex games involving
sticks, leaves, stones, any other objects that they find during their
explorations, and have very clear and distinct personalities.
My three and half
year old loves using words in different ways, trying out the sound and taste of
each. He talks of ‘torrential downpours’ rather than rain showers, ‘glorious
sunsets’, ‘fabulously delicious food’, and many other detailed descriptions
which really bring joy to the hearer. He is sometimes very solemn, with very
accurate attention to detail; sometimes this can cause him to become upset and
frustrated, for example when somebody neglects a detail or has not noticed
something he has seen. For example, the other day, as we passed many mango
trees (and this is not the mango season), he saw a low hanging fruit, but for a
while nobody listened to the slightly agitated little boy trying to tell us he
could see a mango. He was of course right, and delighted when we all stopped
and took notice! My three year old has a more explosive personality; he has a
laugh which is sufficiently infectious to make a busload of gloomy-faced adults
smile, a delight in singing wholeheartedly and gives hugs which involve his
whole body. He gets equally upset at times, and requires firm discipline and
support as he learns to control his passions. Lately, he has become more
interested in books, but one of his main enjoyments is drawing and painting. He
can sit for a long time, patiently putting great detail into his delicate
squiggles, taking delight in using and mixing colours. I love to let him do
this freely, and develop the creativity which I think can be so easily
squashed. The baby is ten months old now, and desperate to be running around
after his brothers. He has a very placid temperament, putting up with a lot of
very physical affection from the older two, and not even objecting too much when
he gets sat on or covered in sand by them, as was the case this morning.
However, he does get annoyed when somebody else’s food looks more interesting
than his, and shows this dissatisfaction very clearly. He does not laugh often,
but when he does, it is a wonderful sound. Yesterday, he tried to climb his
first tree (not very successfully).
How does
all of this affect home education? In some ways it doesn’t. The overall aims we
have set ourselves as a family have not changed, yet the precise ways in which
these aims are best achieved will certainly change as the children grow. One of
the beauties of home education is that you can move at the pace of each
individual child, and development of ‘curricula’ and teaching methods and
materials is a natural extension which flows from day to day activities,
questions and conversations. This is a far more gentle and natural approach
than assuming that every three year old should be able to do X, Y and Z, and
should be interested in A, B and C. It is ideal as you can embrace the
strengths and interests of each child, whilst supporting and nurturing them to
overcome their weaknesses. My three year old needs encouragement at times; his
default reply to something he sees as challenging may often be, ‘I can’t!’ but
you should see the delight on his face when with encouragement he is able to
achieve a new task or activity. It takes time, it takes effort, but for all of
us, it is rewarding! But I may well be ‘preaching to the choir’ here, as I imagine
many readers are well aware of these benefits.
But
specifically, there will be changes. Some of the ‘toddler’ activities we have
been involved with are no longer helpful or necessary for the boys. They
certainly prefer to be outdoors, and the free exploration that comes from
running through parks and fields, collecting leaves, fruit, grasses, spotting
and describing birds and insects, coming home and reading up on the things we
have seen – these type of things are ideal at the moment. I have some friends
with similar aged children who are also home educating, and we should aim to
join together more regularly now the children are of an age where they are keen
to develop relationships and imaginative play which requires many participants.
One constraint we have found has been to do with schedules and routines; my
boys still nap for between 1 and 2 hours in the middle of the day, and this is
a routine which serves us all well as a family. However, a drawback can mean that
full day excursions, or things taking place around lunchtime, are not ideal for
us, whilst they are often best for others. Again, I think I should be more
pro-active in inviting others to join with things that we are doing anyway, such
as mornings at the museum, afternoons in the park, walks around the docks,
singing and music times at home. It is easy to feel frustrated by your own
limitations (whether these be personal or practical) rather than seek
imaginative ways to overcome them (and not to see them as limitations, but
differences).
Another big
change for our family is that my maternity leave will come to an end. My
husband and I will revert to working half the week each. This suits us well
too; we have quite different strengths, and by choosing this flexible working
pattern, the boys benefit from the best of both worlds. As parents, we also
feel more refreshed, both at home and at work. For both of us, work this year
will involve periods in Africa, and one question we still need to answer is how
long one parent should be away for before we choose to make it a family trip;
this can also be logistically challenging in terms of the other person negotiating
holiday and study leave to cover the same period. But it is fun – and our
current two month stint in West Africa, which initially felt like a somewhat
mad idea, is proving just how possible and worthwhile this kind of model can
be. Sometimes I find myself getting anxious. I can start the year thinking that
what we hope to achieve seems simply impossible. But I look back over many
events in the past few years which I thought would be impossible, and see God’s
faithfulness and provision. I particularly need to remember that if something
is truly what God wants us to be doing as a family, even if it initially seems
impossible, He will open the necessary doors to make things work out. I don’t
get anxious when I take things week by week, or even month by month; the
worries start when I think beyond about six months. An important lesson for me
to remember this year is contained in the words of Jesus, recorded in the
gospel of Matthew, chapter 6 verse 24: ‘Therefore
do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble’. This must be balanced with
other passages of the Bible which speak of wisdom, of prayerful deliberations
and planning; it is not a licence to embark upon foolish endeavours and trust
that God will mop up the mess! Bearing this in mind, it brings comfort and
encouragement that as we seek to do the will of God in our family, He will
provide all we need, whether guidance, physical and material provisions, or
logistics which enable us to work together as a family rather than becoming
fragmented.
One thing
which has excited me most over the past year is hearing the boys spontaneously
talking about God, and the Bible verses which they have learned. One morning,
just before he turned three, one of the boys was anxious about going somewhere.
The night before, he had learned the admonition that God gave Joshua, ‘Be strong and of good courage; do not be
afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.’
(Joshua 1:9) I discussed with him what ‘wherever’ meant, and he reached the
conclusion that God would be with him and therefore he had no need to be
anxious on that particular morning. On other days, I have found them
spontaneously praying or giving thanks to God for things which are beautiful or
unexpected. They have an astonishing ability to tie together the various
different sections of the Bible which they have been taught, and seem to be
developing a rounded understanding of these truths. OK, there are also times
when they say things like, ‘In the beginning, God created cheese on toast’, or
want to spend long times thanking God for all the different vehicles they have
seen on the roads that day, but the general trend is encouraging. I have
previously commented on how this memory and understanding should not surprise
us. We expect three year olds to be able to remember the words to nursery
rhymes, or be able to recount details from their favourite books or television
programmes, yet we somehow do not expect a similar recall and understanding
when it comes to matters of far greater importance. Even though I have thought
about this for some time, it is still extremely exciting to hear the words
coming spontaneously from them. I look forward to watching this develop over
the year ahead.
So overall,
I start 2013 feeling hopeful and excited about continuing to educate our boys
at home. I am slightly daunted, and often feel aware of my inadequacies. But I
can look back on God’s faithfulness, provision and guidance, and put my confidence
fully in Him for the year ahead.
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