Priorities and Affirming our Children

Recently we led a seminar on career choices at a Christian conference for young professionals, and one key them that emerged was that of life-work balance. People want to glorify God through their work, and to serve Him with their heart, soul, mind and strength. But at the same time, there is an awareness that career aspirations can easily become idolatrous; it is a fine line to walk in certain professions, but there may come a time when something which is good and commendable is keeping you from the best thing of all, which is serving God wholeheartedly. But how does one know what God is calling them to do? Is guidance an easy thing to discern? How do we choose godly priorities? Do other priorities (family life, Christian service etc) not also run the risk of becoming idols? And thinking about it all, it becomes so clear that we need to pray, as did the Psalmist, ‘Search me O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting’ Psalm 139:23-24

There are some secular tools which can be helpful in considering priorities, and one which is frequently used is a ‘wheel of life’. But it was interesting when I did this exercise for myself, because I considered some of the main areas: Personal relationship with God, Christian activities, Work, Marriage, Children (including their education), Friendships, Extended Family and Leisure Time. My diagram looked very unbalanced (the final three scored very low), and actually made me question. But the main question I asked myself was what our priorities ought to be as Christian families? There seems to be a presumption, even amongst Christian circles, that leisure time spent with friends is a right rather than a privilege and a blessing. How many young mothers hear people telling them to take some ‘me time’? How many couples talk about putting off having children for a few years, so they ‘can enjoy some nice holidays together’? How many people live for the weekends? How many people see their regular hobbies as essential, rather than a bonus? I do not wish to sound puritanical, but I do think as Christians we need to prayerfully consider how we best use our time. And whilst it can be a helpful starting point, I think Christians must beware of secular resources which feed the myth that we need so much personal and leisure time. Instead, a more healthy diagram would be one which has God at the centre of all. I also came across this very helpful blog with a diagram showing how all previous areas become squeezed when we have children, but that none of these should be lost, and we should attempt to maintain balance for overall spiritual health within the home.

I liked this final one so much, that I continued to read the blog, and found an excellent series entitled: ’29 ways to affirm your children’. Now, along a similar line to my sceptism about priorities detailed in the preceding paragraph, I tend to run a mile from things that talk about ‘affirmation’ – the word brings to mind mantras of ‘you are a good person’ (no you aren’t, you are a sinner in need of salvation!), ‘you have strength within you’ (no you don’t, God’s power is  made perfect in weakness) etc… Anyway, I was glad that I did not get put off by the title. Let me encourage you to read the series! In summary, the 29 points were:

1)      Create a positive, loving and secure environment in your home

2)      Be sensitive to your child’s thoughts and feelings

3)      Give your children choices

4)      Give everyone an opportunity to speak

5)      Nip the self-criticism

6)      Minimise sibling rivalry

7)      Discover the gift in your child

8)      Develop your child’s gift

9)      Teach your child to compensate

10)   Help your child to compete

11)   Develop self-confidence

12)   Discipline in an emotionally healthy manner

13)   Teach self-control

14)   Encourage positive character qualities

15)   Teach your children to work

16)   Teach your children to complete their chores

17)   Make sure they keep up with their schoolwork

18)   Teach your children to communicate with adults

19)   Encourage friendships of high character

20)   Follow a family schedule that reduces fatigue and time pressure

21)   A healthy amount of sleep

22)   A healthy diet

23)   Keep your promises

24)   Laugh with your children

25)   The importance of physical touch

26)   Reward effort, not results

27)   Teach your children to serve others

28)   Celebrate life

29)   Develop a healthy pride in being part of something bigger than themselves.

Each of these areas is discussed in a balanced, Biblical way. I was refreshed that the importance of hard work, discipline, sensible choice of friends, good communication with others including adults (!) and serving others are all considered as means to ‘affirm’ our children. It leads back to some of the most fundamental questions regarding what our aims as parentsare in the first place. If ‘affirming’ means to us giving in to every whim of the child, allowing them to make foolish choices and sheltering them from the realities of life and responsibility, then we are not lovingly preparing them for life in the real world.

I was encouraged as I read through the list, that as a home schooling family we already have prioritised many of these areas. I pray that we can continue to make wise choices, and that as we walk through life together with our children that they see our joy as we seek to put God first. I pray that they see relationships and service as essential ways to serve God in this world which has so much need. And I pray that we can continue to take opportunity to minister as a family. May you be encouraged in these areas too.

Random reading and encouragement

Two weeks ago I had some major surgery to my stomach, and as a result I've been having to rest quite a bit more than usual. I've taken the opportunity to browse through some home education resources online, and thought I would share some of my findings.

One of the first places I turn for encouragement is to blogs. The reason I love them is because they are a reminder to me that no two families are the same, and that is one of the biggest attractions of home education. You can pick and choose from curricula and methods, according to the learning styles, needs and desires of each individual child, according to where you live, the resources that surround you, the time of year and other individual preferences. There are simply innumerable combinations in how this can be done. An article that inspired me was written by a woman who took her first child out of school early on because he was simply miserable and bored at school; she goes on to describe the next twenty years as an adventure of unique opportunity.

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I was not aware of many other UK-based Christian home educators, so I was encouraged to find this list recommending 16 such sites. I particularly enjoyed Delivering Grace; I have much in common with the writer of that site, and we've been able to encourage one another in unexpected ways.

Another thing I consider periodically is the depth and breadth of subject matter that we cover. I would not say that we are following any particular structure at the moment, but are more child-led, spending time following a particular interest of theirs. Often it tends to become a bit of a 'unit study' - for example, they are interested in ancient history and castles, and so we will try and visit castles when we can, visit relevant exhibits in museums, get related books out of the library, and we built them a massive castle out of cardboard boxes  for Christmas (having recently bought a clavinova and some shelves, we had huge boxes!); this often leads onto role-play, and sometimes a discussion of the type of music and dancing that may have taken place.

Anyway today I was considering the Core Knowledge Sequence UK table which takes you through each of the major disciplines (language & literature, history & geography, visual arts, music, mathematics and science) for each Year group. I like to see where we are up to, and whether we are providing a reasonable balance and structure. What struck me looking at these tables was the amount of attention given to language (primarily reading and writing skills) and basic numeracy in the early years; the contrast with what we are doing is that we are exceeding all the recommendations in all the other areas except perhaps those two groups. But at the same time, through developing the other areas, there is a natural progression to include elements of numeracy or literature as we explore those topics. The difference then seems to be context; not only do we want the children to be able to read, write and have numeracy skills to a certain level, but we want these to be relevant and integrated into life as a whole rather than isolated classroom skills which may have little bearing on their daily lives. And as I considered this, I was again grateful for the path we have chosen.

I've thought quite a bit about reading skills lately, not least because my two four year old boys show quite different learning styles.There has been quite a bit of debate in the UK press about the use of phonics. I find it interesting to consider how the approach may benefit some children and yet be harmful for others, and think that having a unified approach to the delivery of teaching in schools has to be harmful. Yes, of course a good teacher will be able to identify different styles and needs within their individual children, but will a teacher of a large class of pupils really be able to tailor the delivery of teaching to suit each child?

Generally, I have found my reading refreshing. I have not had any major flashes of inspiration or desire to change what we are doing, but rather have been encouraged to keep going, keep taking one day at a time, to keep embracing the opportunities that arise through daily life, and to thank God for the gift of every day.

Why use a pseudonym?

I've been looking at quite a few Christian home education blogs over this past week, and enjoying the refreshment and encouragement that comes from seeing how others are seeking to honour God in every aspect of their lives. I noticed that there is a difference between this blog and some of the others, and wondered whether you had asked the question:

1) Why do I write under a pseudonym?
2) Why don't I post lots of photos?

There are probably quite a few readers who know exactly who I am, and it is not difficult to work out some key details from what I write. It is not so much that my identity be a secret, but rather I feel that being anonymous gives a certain freedom to write on topics which may be controversial, express strong opinions and at times to discuss challenging personal issues that arise. Many bloggers write under their own name, and that certain benefits too. For me, the pseudonym simply allows my writing greater freedom.

The second relates in part to the first. Would you read my writings differently if you knew I was a tall, slender blonde? Or a petite Irish redhead? Or a 'traditionally built' African woman? Would you consider the issues and points I seek to raise differently if my children appeared like models out of a catalogue, always perfect and pristine? Would you see things differently if they had obvious physical challenges? If we followed fashion, or if we wore strict home-school uniforms? I think these things can have a subtle influence (at least I can be swayed by such superficial things when looking at others' blogs - you know, the ones with the perfect looking mother with 12 adorable children lined up in order of height!) and I don't want our physical appearances to distract. They simply are not relevant to the aims of what I hope to do here.

There is also a practical consideration: blogs which contain multiple photos and images are very challenging to access in areas where internet is poor, and you will know from some of my posts that we move back and forward between low-resource settings. I want to have a blog that remains accessible even with limited internet.

When I started blogging, I was not entirely sure how things would evolve. But I lean towards reflective writing, considering what others have written, what the Bible teaches, how things are best worked out in practice. I tend to consider the bigger picture, rather than the very specific nitty gritty of tasks that we do day to day. In contrast, some of the other sites which I enjoy are the precise opposite, and categorise activities subject by subject and then provide intricate detail often with an accompanying photo-journal. This is quite a different objective, and although I may describe activities from time to time, my outlook in writing tends to be more holistic.

I continue to pray that the blog brings challenges and encouragement, whatever stage in child-rearing or education you may be at. I pray that through the collection of articles posted here, that you find something which spurs you on towards love and good deeds today.

Homeschooling boys

Are the differences between girls and boys nature or nurture? Does it matter? Do they affect our educational choices? Or are we perpetuating stereotypes by considering the sexes differently? This is an area where my husband and I have some discussion! He tends to take the view that all children are the same, and that we as both individuals and society tend to impose stereotyped behaviours on them from an early age. I used to believe that to be the case, but now, whilst I do agree that there are these cultural and societal expectations, and whilst there will always be exceptions, that some important differences do exist!

I'll share a couple of illustrations from my experience (although you could argue that these are just further stereotypes of individuals who have been shaped through stereotyping but I'll dispense with the caveats now and just get to the point). Friends who have girls are more likely to invite me and the boys round for coffee and suggest that whilst the children play quietly, the mothers can drink coffee, chat and then pray together. What a lovely idea! I'd adore that, but I know that it just would not be possible, not with my boys at their current stage. The other weekend we went to a childrens' party which began with sitting round tables and doing lots of crafty activities involving small pieces of paper and glue; indeed my friends with girls talk about things like 'cutting and sticking', when that is not particularly something my boys enjoy doing. The afternoon got off to a difficult start for them, as they wanted to run around the hall and chase the balloons, and we ended up leaving quite soon. (You could argue that this is because I don't tend to do these type of crafts, but instead we do plenty of painting, drawing and baking which require just as much precision and concentration). But you start to get a picture. My friends' daughters enjoy a trip to the park, but don't seem to bounce off the ceilings if they do not get taken outside into the fresh air on a regular basis; conversely, the boys seem to NEED that time outside at least once, but often twice per day.

And so our lives (and education) takes its shape around these things. Structured, short activities, but I take care to intersperse the quiet, concentrating type activities with those which are more physical (for example, we will do some baking when they wake from this current nap, but I have plans for a long walk as soon as things come out of the oven!). I was interested to come across this website which specifically focusses on homeschooling boys. A couple of years ago, I would have dismissed this as stereotyping and not helpful, but I read on and indeed saw described many of the things I have come to observe in my own children. Some of the suggestions are things which I have come to do instinctively, and others will be helpful to me as our education develops over the next few years.

It is hardly a secret that mainstream education is often more unhelpful to boys. Girls tend to learn to read and write earlier, whereas boys are more prone to be labelled as having attention or educational difficulties; indeed, I read a recent report that suggested that up to 25% of primary educated boys are currently diagnosed as having some form of special educational need. Without minimising the challenges that can be introduced by genuine special needs, I cannot believe this statistic to be true. I am convinced that much of it is that young children in general, but particularly boys, do not thrive in an environment where they are made to sit inside and concentrate and be part of a large group with little individual interaction. Further difficulties are introduced when children are given an unhelpful label from an early age, as they start to see themselves as problems, or people lower their expectations. Even through secondary school, girls increasingly outperform their male counterparts, and I do not believe this to be due to an academic superiority but rather that they benefit more from the current educational 'system'.

I do think some people take the stereotypes too far. Discipline, for example, should be given to all of our children. I have known several parents laugh at the blatent and destructive disobedience of their sons, and make a comment along the line of, 'Boys, what can you do!'. I remember the very negative comments I recieved when my second child was a son. 'Now you'll have your work cut out', I was told. 'Now you'll see what life is really like'. It was generally assumed that raising boys would be far more challenging, and less rewarding, than raising girls. (These comments were unusually insensitive given that I had already had and buried a daughter, but I'll not get into that right now!)

The challenges are different! I spend far more time outside being physically active than I might do given the choice. At the end of the day, my back, legs and arms can be incredibly painful. I am physically exhausted (bearing in mind, that on the days that I 'go out to work', I run the 5Km distance there and then back again in the evening, enjoy climbing mountains for relaxation and could hardly be considered a 'couch potato'!) But it is a different kind of tiredness, and a different kind of challenge. What I have noticed quite clearly is a deterioration in the behaviour and obedience of my sons when we do not spend enough time burning off energy; so simply we need to recognise and adapt to their needs. I would hope that we all do this for all of our children. Perhaps a greater challenge would be to have a family where each child had very different needs, and there was a greater need to add balance so that they could all be met.

These days, I am interested to read articles and blogs which do indeed focus on some of the differences, and discuss ways to best educate the energetic bundles of creativity that are our sons. I hope other readers here find the recommendation helpful.

I'd be interested to know in the experiences of others, particularly those who have experience with both sons and daughters!

Challenge: Loneliness

One of the biggest challenges I face is loneliness. Does that relate to home education? In part, in this current phase of life, yes it does. My life consists of looking after my children, supervising them, guiding them, talking with them, reading to them, doing the basic childcare and babycare activities, and then, when they are asleep at naptime or in the evening, doing things relating to my part-time job or working through other administrative tasks. In between that, I am involved in church, a couple of ladies’ Bible study groups and a Christian organisation relating to my work. There isn’t much time for much else! On a good day, I am really happy with the balance – between the children, my marriage, church and Christian activities and continuing in my career. But at other times, I do feel lonely.

What is it that causes loneliness? Is it being physically isolated? Or is it more to do with feeling misunderstood? For me, I think it is the second. Some of the choices we have made as a family leave us without a clear ‘peer group’; not that that is a reason not to do what you believe to be right, but it can make it difficult to really discuss things and to receive helpful and empathetic responses. For example, if I were to tell many of the young mothers around me that I felt lonely, they would suggest that I should put the boys in nursery or pre-school to free up some ‘me time’. To them, that is the logical and natural solution, and therefore my current feelings are of my own making. You could argue the same for many aspects of the same thing. Professionally, I work less than full time, in order to be able to prioritise my family; therefore I don’t have a peer group there, and often am told, ‘if you would just come back full time’, or ‘when the children are in school and you work full time again....’that things might be different. Similarly, amongst some Christian circles, there can be a feeling that I should not be seeking to work outside the home, and might be told that it is unsurprising that I don’t have much free time if I am choosing to do things which I ought not to do. Does having a peer group matter? AW Tozer said, ‘the masses are always wrong’. I recently heard an inspirational speaker state that ‘true innovators have no peers’; whilst I would hardly describe myself as a true innovator, I found that quotation helpful! What has encouraged me to continue have been some wise ‘older women’ who have been honest with me. They have admitted that their choices did leave them lonely and misunderstood at times, but that they were utterlyconvinced that this was the best wise use of their time (Backlink best use of time). Online resources, in particular blog writers such as Jess at ‘Making Home’ have also helped combat that sense of isolation; a helpful blog post on this very issue is here. 

The Bible talks much about friendship. In our ladies’ Bible study this morning, we were discussing those type of friendships where there is true accountability, and true spiritual encouragement. We were talking about how these relationships need to be deliberately sought and nurtured. I asked the question what we should do if we felt we lacked these relationships, and I was told to go and get some; helpful on the one level, but perhaps missing the point and exacerbating my feelings of being misunderstood! How does a homeschooling, part-time working mother of three children aged three and under build relationships? When? Where? Having said that, this Bible study group has been an absolute godsend to me. Most of us have young children, and whilst we work our way through a book of the Bible, guided by an extremely gifted Bible teacher, the children are in an adjacent room having their own structured activities and lessons. It is the only time in my current week when I am not with the boys during their waking hours, and it benefits me and them both greatly. The best part of the Bible discussion is that although it follows a format, there is space for people to raise issues and questions which are directly relevant to their lives at that time; therefore we often go off on a tangent and discuss the real, practical issues of living day to day as Christian woman in our society. It’s great, and through that, I have indeed developed some relationships which are based on a shared desire to know God more.

With like-minded mothers, I have also found that a walk in the park with the children provides the best opportunity for us to talk. The children need our supervision and interaction, but can also spend some time running ahead or exploring just off the path whilst we get some time to talk. With lively boys who love being outside, that is a far better solution than inviting somebody round for coffee and having the children get restless and frustrated. I think it does us all good to be out in the fresh air, and even on the days when we feel least like it, it can be helpful. I can understand why Charlotte Mason put such emphasis on time out of doors for children under the age of six or seven!

I emailed the friend I regard as a mentor about some of the current challenges yesterday, and as always, her counsel was gentle, wise, encouraging and very genuine as she drew from her own experiences and applied her wisdom to what she knows of my family. Not all relationships have to be face to face, and the internet and ability to email round the world can be a great blessing to those who feel isolated. I would encourage you to look at blogs written by those in similar circumstances to yourself; of course all advice must be weighed carefully in the light of Scripture, and you also may not have seen how the blog writer actually functions in ‘real life’, but bearing in mind these limitations it can be helpful. Another friend of mine spoke similarly of writings relating to singleness.

I could dig a lot deeper into the balance between having Christ as our ‘all sufficient one’ yet being humans created for relationship and deliberately placed within a community which is described as a ‘body’ with a perfect inter-relationship between its parts. But today, I’ll stop here. I’d love to know how you respond to feelings of loneliness. Please share!

Khan Academy

We read this interesting article in the Telegraph magazine about the Khan Academy. This has to be of interest to home educators, as Salman Khan has a very individualised, child focussed view about teaching and learning. His academy started small, with tutoring of a relative, but rapidly expanded into a large community who draw from his free online tutorials and methods; initially self-funded, his work gained the attention of large funders such as Bill Gates, and he was recently named one of the four most influential people in the world by Time Magazine.

To quote Khan, 'Aged one to four, kids are excited by anything new, they want to figure it out, then all of a sudden when they turn five you start seeing fewer curious kids, by nine or 10 you see very few with any curiosity, and by 18 it’s very much the exception. Curiosity is just stamped out of them. I’m convinced it’s indoctrination, not a genetic thing. Kids are herded together, the bell rings, you’re rewarded for passivity, you’re rewarded for compliance, that’s what keeps you moving through the system.' Challenging the status quo, he states, 'I want a school where you have the ability to flex your creativitiy without sacrificing academic rigour.' Absolutely! I am sure many home educators have chosen to avoid the mainstream for precisely that reason. Khan also believes in excellence. He believes we limit children by forcing them into a set mould, and that almost literally, the sky is the limit. That is where I find myself disagreeing, although one admires his optimism: 'We could be going faster than the speed of light to the stars, GDP would grow and people would be happy.' I do not believe that sheer intellectual development will ever make man happy; in fact, some of the most miserable and tormented people are those who have excelled academically, pushing back the boundaries in their field of interest. Indeed, as the Psalmist says, (twice, in both Psalms 14 and 53), The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God'. In fact, Biblical wisdom teaches something quite different, that 'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding.' (Psalm 111:10), a concept which is expanded upon throughout the book of Proverbs.

Aside from that fundamental philosophical difference, the methods used in his education seem robust, and his vision overlaps with much of what many home educators seek to emulate. Again, to quote the Telegraph article, 'He thinks bigger classes with more teachers would provide a more creative learning ground. In his ideal classroom there would be 75-100 students of widely varying ages, with three or four teachers. Some students would be working at computers; others would be learning economics through board games; others would be building robots or designing mobile apps; others would be working on art or creative writing. All that really counts, he says, is enabling all children to learn at their own pace before moving on to the next concept (this echoes of Charlotte Mason who held that a child should only do one thing at a time, and do it until perfection). Otherwise, you end up with 'Swiss cheese learning’ – fundamental gaps in a student’s knowledge.'

I just watched one of the collection of more than 3000 online video tutorials. I chose the most basic, that of single digit addition. I was interested to see how this free thinking 'genius' tackled the most fundamental of arithmetical concepts. I was refreshed by the simplicity and clarity, done in a non-patronising manner. I can see how these resources could be built upon at an individualised pace whereby a child can truly develop and hold interest. On the website are also many testimonials of students and teachers who have used these resources to their benefit.

I for one, have marked it as a 'favourite' and look forward to using these great resources.

Charlotte Mason. Who? What? Why?

A friend was talking to me about the Charlotte Mason approach to education. I have come across this in some of my reading, but to be honest, most things that are associated with an individual person’s name tend to be a bit offputting to me. I think that is because I have seen too much ‘hero worship’ both professionally and within the church. You know the kind of thing, where anything associated with a particular individual is accepted, even lauded, without question. But being aware that several friends I respect have been influenced by the ‘Charlotte Mason’ approach, I decided to ignore the name and look a bit more.

Much of this approach is familiar to me, although I did not know it had a name! Charlotte Mason was a British educator living in the late 1800s and early 1900s, and her method centred around the idea that education has three key strands:

ATMOSPHERE: This refers to the environment in which a child grows up. Children absorb so much from their home environment, that it is thought to constitute a third of a child’s education. This does not surprise me, and is something I have been so aware of as I raise my children. There is much evidence showing that the fundamentals of character are formed by the age of three or four, and I have seen personally how devastating the consequences of difficulties in these early years can be, leaving deep roots and scars that persist well into adulthood. It is not enough just to talk to children about how things SHOULD be if life within our family home is not consistent with these principles. In medical education, we refer to some of this as the ‘hidden curriculum’, where for example, we are taught the need for compassion, but the attitudes of some clinicians towards their patients are anything but compassionate. Similarly, how can I teach my children the importance of generosity if I myself am mean and not given to hospitality? How can I teach them to think the best of others, if I am critical and back-biting? How can I teach them not to complain and whine, if I effectively do the same thing when speaking with other adults? And how can I assure them of my love and commitment to them, if they overhear me making negative comments relating to them (as one often hears parents doing).

DISCIPLINE: Not a fashionable word today! But so very important. Here, it refers to the discipline of good habits, and specifically the habits of character. Cultivating good habits in a child makes up another third of their education. Charlotte Mason referred to good habits as the tracks formed in childhood upon which an adult can smoothly run through life. Again, I would agree with this! Much of my time is spent quietly, repetitively, calmly (I hope!) correcting the small things which are not good habits. Good table manners, courteous ‘please’ and ‘thank-yous’, respect for others, sharing, being kind to other children who are upset, I could go on. There are days when I feel I have done little else, with mealtimes and tidy-up times, encouraging to share, and listening properly taking up most of the day. It is not easy, and it is not something which seems encouraged in today's society; I know others do think we are wasting our time and should be doing more 'important things'. In fact, this is one of my major reasons for not wishing to enter mainstream education; I cannot believe that discipline and good habits are cultivated in a classroom setting of a large number of self-willed toddlers and a handful of overstretched, unrelated adults. Even this morning, I was mortified when my eldest suddenly, and without provocation, hit a younger girl. Even with my continual presence and attempts to discipline, and the consistent re-inforcement of this by my husband, it is still a major challenge and major element of our daily living. It would seem largely neglected in modern education, and I believe this sets a child up for difficulty later (not to mention questions relating to honouring parents or honouring God!).

LIFE: This is where ‘academics’ come in. But for young children, these should be covered through a steam of living thoughts and ideas rather than presentation of dry facts. I have already written several blog posts regarding the lessons that can be embraced through everyday life, and this would be straight down the Charlotte Mason outlook. Similarly, history is far better learned through the eyes of an individual, perhaps as a biography, than through lists of dates and events. Spelling and grammar can be learnt through the enjoyment of literature, and this would avoid the tendency of some educational methods to snuff out the pleasure of reading. And importantly, a significant proportion of every day was to be spent outdoors, learning about nature, geography, seasons, exploring the world and wondering at God’s creation. I think others sometimes find us strange for the amount of time we do spend out of doors doing exactly this, but Charlotte Mason would have encouraged us to continue.

So interestingly, out of all the approaches to education, the Charlotte Mason method seems extremely close to what we have evolved into doing as a family with boys of 3, 2 ½ and 6 months. We often hear sayings such as ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’. Here, I would say to myself, ‘Don’t judge a method by its name!’

More information can be found on this website:

http://simplycharlottemason.com/

Intentional Parenting

I love browsing websites relating to Biblical parenting and education, and sometimes I come across something which just puts into words some of the things I have been thinking about and the conclusions I have been reaching. (Not that I am recommending it just because it ‘agrees’ with me! But rather, it is clear, biblical, practical and encouraging to me, and I hope to you also). The website is called Intentional Parenting:

http://intentionalparents.com/

Three types of parents are described. First, there are the ‘survival’ parents, whose main aim is to get through the day, get through the next few years and finally be ‘free’ from their children, who will use inconsistent strategies and bribes simply to get the child out of their hair. Then, perhaps more familiar to me, are the ‘default’ parents who want their children to have everything that other children have, whose main aim is to make their child happy, and tend to use very hectic schedules and follow whatever fashions and media are in vogue. Finally, there are ‘intentional parents’, which is what I hope we are, and what I imagine readers of this blog will be. We seek to give our children what is best and will be helpful for them, in order to prepare them for life as a productive adult with development of their God-given mind and abilities whilst protecting their heart. This type of parenting involves purposely spending time with the child and building a relationship, realising that he will learn by watching and interacting, and the main areas we employ are the Bible, enjoyable pastimes, character, home skills and yes, some academics too. (Echoes of Charlotte Mason philosophy abound... more on this later).

I like this site as it cuts through contemporary worldview, and even that existing within the church. For example, in a post on ‘margin’ (http://intentionalparents.com/2004/11/01/leave-a-bigger-margin-around-your-to-do-list/), the writer discusses how even church activities can reduce the opportunity for and effectiveness of genuine ministry. She suggests that every activity an individual in the family wishes to pursue be considered by asking three key questions:

      1)      Which of our family goals will this activity help my child accomplish?

      2)      Can I think of an alternate way to help my child reach that goal without so much stress on our schedule?

      3)      How will this activity and the necessary rescheduling affect all the other family members?

This is common sense wisdom, not giving way to the ‘tyranny of the urgent’ but adopting a careful, ‘intentional’ and prayerful approach to all elements of parenting. Read the website and be encouraged!