Discipline and Behaviour: Applying the Bible

Two big advantages of home education are:

1) By constantly being with the children, you are able to identify and seek to correct behaviours and attitudes before these are able to develop into bigger problems

2) We can frequently draw from the Bible, which we believe to be 'God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work' (2 Timothy 3:16-17). 

There are times when this does not always feel like an advantage! There are days when it feels that we spend so long working on these issues that we don't have as much time as we would like for all the educational activities we would like. There are occasions when I find myself wondering whether the children would therefore be better off in a mainstream educational establishment where there would not be so much time spent on character formation. However it does not take me long to recognise the illogical thought processes of a tired parent. It is precisely because of the days where boundaries are pushed and the boys ask for answers, explanations and sometimes just seem to be testing everything, that a parent with a Bible in hand is best equipped to speak into the situation for the highest good of the child.

Let me give a couple of illustrations from recent weeks:

1) Lying. It has been quite shocking to us, but all three of the boys have told lies recently, and have often tried to blame their brothers for their own misdemeanours. They have a good appreciation of who God is and that He is holy. Therefore often to bring conviction and confession of what truly happened, one of the key things we need to do is show the boys from the Bible just what God thinks about lying. For example:

Proverbs 6:16-19. 'There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community'. The idea that their actions are hateful to God is very shocking to the boys.

On other occasions, Hebrews 4:13 is helpful: 'Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account'. They realise that God sees and knows everything, and so that even if they are able to deceive mum and dad, they cannot hide the truth from God. That also often brings conviction.

2) Blaming others for personal sin. Along with lying comes the excuses that are made for misbehaviour: 'my brother made me do it', 'he gave it to me', 'he was doing it so I just did the same' and so on. Then I often turn to Genesis Chapter 3. The story is well known. God created the heavens and the earth, the animals and the birds and the beautiful garden of Eden and all was very good. God created Adam, and then from his rib made a 'helper suitable for him', Eve. However they were given free choice, and the one thing they were forbidden to do, to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they did. Of course they could not hide this from God, who asked 'Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?' The man said, 'The woman you put here with me - she gave me some fruit of the tree, and I ate it'. Then the Lord God said to the woman, 'What is this you have done?' The woman said. 'The serpent deceived me, and I ate'. The consequences are well known. The lesson I teach the boys here is that each one of us is accountable before God, and even if another person deceived you or otherwise led you astray, we are still responsible for our own actions. 

3) Selfishness. All children display this - arguing over toys, wanting to be the first one to have their book of choice, wanting the yellow cup and plate (for some reason this seems to be the favourite at the moment), wanting to sit on one of our knees (I can manage two on my knee, but all three becomes tricky!) Here, I try to show them how Jesus was our perfect example - there are many many passages of the Bible that could be used here, either specific verses or illustrative stories. I always love Philippians 2: 'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!'

4) Sloppiness. When the boys are really engrossed in a task, they can put a large amount of time and effort into the details. We have particularly noticed this with the drawings of our eldest, and have enjoyed watching his style develop. However, there are other times when they seem content to rush through a task they don't enjoy so much, in order to get on to the 'more fun' things. We have to remind them that there are some things which are simply quite hard work and need practice - reading and writing for example. Colossians 3:23-24 speaks into this: 'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.'

5) Unkindness. I think together with many parents, we frequently draw from Galatians 5:22: 'But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law'. But sometimes that can seem a little abstract. I find it can be more helpful to find an example of a story where somebody displayed the attribute or quality I am trying to teach the children about. Examples might be the parable of the Good Samaritan - where the Samaritan found the wounded Jew on the road and went the extra mile in terms of caring for him, slowing down his own journey, spending money on him (without the hope of having this repayed) and treating him as he himself would have wanted to be treated. Jesus said, 'in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets' Matthew 7:12.

These are just five examples which immediately spring to mind. These type of 'Bible studies' are daily occurrences in our household. On other occasions, I use the Bible to bring comfort in the face of discouragement or strength in the face of weariness (very often I am reading a passage like Isaiah 40 to them for my own benefit more than theirs, as I am feeling exhausted - but I like to explain to them what I am doing, why I have chosen that part of the Bible for the morning reading, how I then use it to pray and so forth). The Bible gives us hope when we feel that the circumstances in the world around us are so desperate (I am writing one week after the earthquake in Nepal, and after several recent reports of hundreds of migrants drowning in the Mediterranean. There is a humanitarian crisis in Syria, and several of my friends continue to work hard in the Ebola-striken regions of West Africa. The boys are starting to ask questions about things they hear on the radio, and rather than shield them from the harsh realities of life, we aim to provide a biblical lens for their understanding).We use the Bible for thanksgiving. For prioritisation. In praying for others. It is the most loved and read book in our home.

As a parent, I continue to be challenged that:

1) I must know my Bible well. If I am to be able to help the boys use it as a double-edged sword in the diverse circumstances of life, I need to listen to the Apostle Paul as he wrote to Timothy: 'Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth'. 2 Timothy 2:15. The more I am familiar with the stories and understand their application, the more I will be able to naturally apply it into our daily lives

2) My relationship with God must be fresh and living. The boys see me turn to God in weariness or in discouragement. I talk to them about how I pray, and how I use the Bible. These cannot be theoretical conversations, but rather my relationship with God should reflect to them some of the beauty of being known and loved by God.

How have you been able to use the Bible in the face of challenges this week?

Lent activity: Life of Jesus Timeline

I'm quite excited about a new project that will start this week. When we did the Jesse Tree for advent, I was really encouraged at how the boys embraced the concept and looked forward to the Bible story every morning. It was their idea to also make a large timeline showing all the events that foretold the birth of Christ. We still have the timeline on the wall, but after a week or two, they pointed out that it stopped with the birth of Christ. They wanted to do a 'life of Jesus' timeline, and I was looking for some way to lead up to Easter, and so for 40 days from Wednesday, we will do our new series.

This is how it will work:

• As with the Jesse Tree, I have made coloured envelopes with the Bible references written on them to hang along a string, and inside each they have a small symbol or emblem to colour. These will be glued onto the timeline.
• This time I have focussed on events in the life of Jesus. As I went through, I could also imagine a parallel activity on 'teachings of Jesus' - I decided that this might work better when the boys are a bit older, whereas the physical events that took place are easier to conceptualise
• I've got bigger colouring sheets for each day if they wish to use them, and will try and find appropriate songs that tie in with the Bible passage. 
• I've got a final column on the schema for additional activities - most likely I will fill this in retrospectively since often it is during the course of a day that things lead on in a logical way, and it is now always easy to plan fully in advance. 
• I have scheduled readings on Monday - Saturday for a couple of reasons: Firstly, our days tend to be more structured with 'school' type activities which always start with Bible on these days; Sundays can be a bit more random and we try to focus on the Bible teaching from church. Secondly, it adds a sort of 'firebreak' because it can be discouraging to fall behind and then struggle to catch up. 
• There are two activities on Good Friday - this is because we will aim to spend more time reflecting on the events on Good Friday. It might be that we end up doing more or less on one particular day at Easter itself - and I hope the timetable allows a little flexibility.

Here is the outline - please feel free to try it too! (And if you can think of a better name for it, I am very open to suggestion). If you find particular activities that go best with a particular reading, I'd also like to hear!

Date	Story	Bible Passage	Timeline Picture	Other Activities (Plus songs, colouring sheets etc for most)
W 18th Feb	Birth of Jesus	Luke 2	Baby
T 19th Feb	Dedication of Jesus	Luke 2:21-38	2 pigeons
F 20th Feb	Flight to Egypt	Matt 2:13-23	Silhouttes on camels
S 21st Feb	Child Jesus in Temple	Luke 2:41-52	Studious boy
M 23rd Feb	Baptism	Matt 3:13-17, Mk 1:9-11, Luke 3:21-23	Jesus being baptised
T 24th Feb	Temptation	Matt 4:1-11, Mk 1:12-13, Luke 4:1-13	Bread basket
W 25th Feb	Calling of first disciples	John 1:35-51	Jesus with disciples
T 26th Feb	Water into Wine	John 2:1-12	Wine jar
F 27th Feb	Jesus clears the temple	John 2:13-25	Table
S 28th Feb	Nicodemus by night	John 3:1-21	Moon and stars
M 2nd Mar	Woman at Well	John 4:4-42	Well
T 3rd Mar	Healing of Leper	Matt 8:2-4, Mark 1:40-45, Luke 5:12-16	Face with lesion
W 4th Mar	Paralytic on mat	Matt 9:2-8, Mark 1:40-45, Luke 5:17-26	Man on stretcher
T 5th Mar	Calling of Matthew	Matt 9:9, Mark 2:13-14, Luke 5:27-28	Tax collector
F 6th Mar	Beatitudes	Matt 5-7, Luke 6:20-49	Mountain
S 7th Mar	Healing of centurion’s servant	Matt 8:5-13, Luke 7:1-10	Roman soldier
M 9th Mar	Widow of Nain’s son	Luke 7:11-17	Man leaping for joy
T 10th Mar	Woman with alabaster flask	Luke 7:36-50	Woman with jar
W 11th Mar	Jesus calms the storm	Matt 8:18-27, Mark 4:35-41, Luke 8:22-25	Boat and storm
T 12th Mar	Demon possessed man (and herd of pigs)	Matt 8:28-33, Mark 5:1-21, Luke 8:26-40	Pigs
F 13th Mar	Jairus’ daughter and woman with issue of blood	Matt 9:18-26, Mark 5:22-43, Luke 8:41-56	Girl in bed
S 14th Mar	Feeding of 5000	Matt 14:13-21, Mark 6:30-44, Luke 9:10-17, John 6:1-14	Loaves and fish
M 16th Mar	Jesus walks on water	Matt 14:22-36, Mark 6:45-56, John 6:15-21	Jesus walking on water
T 17th Mar	Transfiguration	Matt 17:1-13, Mark 9:2-13, Luke 9:28-36	3 radiant figures
W 18th Mar	Coin in fish mouth	Matt 17:24-27	Roman coin
T 19th Mar	House of Martha and Mary	Luke 10:38-42	House
F 20th Mar	Raising of Lazarus	John 11:1-46	Man in grave clothes
S 21st Mar	Blind Bartimeus	Matt 20:29-34, Mark 10:46-50, Luke 18:35-43	Eye
M 23rd Mar	Zaccheus	Luke 19:1-10	Man up a tree
T 24th Mar	Mary anoints his feet	John 12:1-9	Woman anointing feet
W 25th Mar	Triumphal entry	Matt 21:1-11, Mark 11:1-11, Luke 19:29-44, John 12:12-19	Palm leaf
T 26th Mar	Drives out the vendors	Matt 21:12-13, Luke 19:45-46	Praying hands
F 27th Mar	Last supper	Matt 26:17-30, Mark 14:12-25, Luke 22:7-20	Last supper
S 28th Mar	Washing disciples feet	John 13:1-18	Jesus washing feet
M 30th Mar	Gethsemane	Matt 26:30-46, Mark 14:26-42, Luke 22:39-46, John 18:1	Man praying in garden
T 31st Mar	Betrayal and arrest	Matt 26:46-56, Mark 14:43-54, Luke 22:47-53, John 18:2-12	Man being kissed on cheek
W 1st Apr	Trial	Matt 26:57-75, Mark 14:43-72, Luke 22:47-53, John 18:13-27	‘Justice’
T 2nd Apr	Sent to Herod	Luke 23:6-12	King
F 3rd Apr	Tried by Pilate	Matt 27:15-26, Mark 15:6-15, Luke 23:13-25, John 19:1-16	Hands being washed
F 3rd Apr	Mocked by soldiers	Matt 27:27-31, Mark 15:16-20	Crown of thorns
S 4th Apr	Crucified	Matt 27:35-56, Mark 15:24-41, Luke 23:33-49, John 19:18-30	Jesus on cross
S 5th Apr	He is Risen	Matt 28:2-15, Mark 16:1-11, Luke 24:1-12, John 20:1-18	Empty tomb