Are you content?

'Now godliness with contentment is great gain' 1 Timothy 6:6

Are you content? 

What does it mean to be content? 

I think many of the problems that our society faces arise from discontent. People want more, and better, education, healthcare, housing, benefits, pensions, employment, leisure, tax credits and public services. And they want these things now. (We are on the eve of  General Election here in the UK, but don't worry, I am not going to delve into politics tonight)

The Puritan writers had plenty of wisdom on this - I would recommend Jeremiah Burrows' 'The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment' (link is to full PDF of this challenging book). A lot is in the title. It is:

1) Rare, even among Christians
2) Worth as much as (or indeed far more than!) a precious jewel, and
3) Christian contentment differs from the feeling of general wellbeing that an unbeliever may experience when all is well.

It might be better to phrase my opening question the other way round:

What makes you discontent?

In my life, it is often closely linked to covetousness. Dictionary definitions of covetousness vary, as 'to covet' can be taken to mean to earnestly desire something, and that is not always bad. However, more often it is used to describe a 'wrongful or inordinate desire, without due regard for the rights of others'. Covetousness  is described and warned against in the Bible through both direct commandment and also through illustrative stories of those who ultimately come to grief though their covetous desires. When Moses was given the 10 commandments, the final one stated 'You shall not covet your neighbour’s house; you shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour’s' (Exodus 20:17)

Why is covetousness such a bad thing? It introduces discontent, and tells the lie that God's provision in your life is not sufficient. This opens the door to many wrong attitudes and actions. Ten examples of where sin can enter through covetousness are listed here (but you may think of more!)

1) Questioning the nature of God. Either denying His sovereignty, or denying His goodness
2) Lack of faith. If God is either not sovereign, or not good, how can I trust Him in future?
3) Lack of thankfulness - failing to see the good things that God has blessed you with
4) Lack of service - my two loaves and five small fish seem inadequate for the task
5) Lack of generosity - others have more than me, so they should give
6) Lack of hospitality - my house seems small, and others have several spare rooms
7) Lack of joy - I don't recognise that God's plans for my life are perfect
8) Lack of peace - questioning whether I need to change something fundamental in my life
9) Lack of perspective - it can be easier to look at those who have more, rather than less
10) Lack of love - my eyes are now on myself and my 'needs' not on others

Why am I writing this tonight? In response to a challenge in my own life. Last night I attended a Bible study at the new home of a friend. It was large, beautiful, tastefully decorated and incredibly tidy. The kitchen was incredible, like something out of an Ideal Home magazine. I knew I might feel this way, but I was taken a little by surprise at the myriad of churning thoughts that went through my mind.

THOUGHT: Life would be so much more orderly in a spacious home.
TRUTH: Life would be almost exactly the same, just with more housework needed

THOUGHT: Their lives must be so perfect  (or certainly less chaotic than ours) to be able to settle down
TRUTH: Actually buying a larger home can bring its own snares. We have financial freedom to travel, move overseas, live with fewer worldly constraints through our choices of where we live. And a building, however nice, cannot solve life's problems

THOUGHT: Their children must be really well behaved, well discplined, focussed and achieve everything set before them (rather than spending the best part of a morning to settle down and do some basic reading and writing, as we have done for the past couple of days)
TRUTH: What a completely illogical thought! Why should a particular size or style of home improve behaviour? Their children, just like ours, are sinners who need to come to an understanding of the grace of God, and also of their need for God's strength to overcome their sinful natures.

THOUGHT: We could have much better Bible studies and offer much better hospitality in a large and beautiful home
TRUTH: We've been having regular Christian meetings and hosting guests (both known to us and strangers) for the last 15 years. That there are five of us living in a three bedroom house does not prevent us being able to open our doors and share. Similarly, our friends believe God has given them their new home to be used by God (and hence last night's meeting was at theirs, as we are trying to hand over the things which had previously taken place at our house prior to moving overseas in a few months).

THOUGHT: It would be much better for homeschooling to have all that space
TRUTH: Homeschooling can take place anywhere, and the main locations in the house are reading on the sofa or sitting at our large dining table. This would be the same in a bigger home. Actually a lot of our life and schooling takes place outside anyway - in parks, museums, beaches, art galleries, home ed meet ups and so forth

THOUGHT: It would be good for the boys to have more space to play
TRUTH: It's good for the boys to learn to live closely together. They also need to learn that what we have is enormous compared to most children in the world, as indeed many families live in a single room or very basic accommodation. They need to learn that relationships are more important than things

THOUGHT: Maybe we are a little crazy to make the choices we do, when we could 'afford' to move somewhere bigger and more luxurious
TRUTH: This one is key. Our choices have been shaped by God's leading and guiding over the past 20 years. Our choice of home is only one example of how we have felt God calling us to have a loose hold on this world, to live as strangers here and respond to His call to serve Him in a range of roles, short, medium and potentially long term in low-resource countries. Yes, we could afford the same kind of home - but that is not the life we have been called to, at least not at this current time.

THOUGHT: My family would be happier if I had a home like that
TRUTH: That may be true! My family (rather than my in-laws) are not Christians and wish we would 'settle down' and do the conventional life thing. But that isn't something to aspire to!

The reason I write out some of my internal conversation is because a lot of how we respond is a choice. We can choose to be content. The Apostle Paul said it beautifully when he wrote:

'I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.' Philippians 4:12-13

God's compassion for the weary

Lately, I have felt tired. Well, to be honest, it has felt a bit more than just tired, more like exhausted. There have been days when my head has felt like being in a fog, where I have been taking part in conversations and not really feeling fully engaged and attentive, and sometimes I have just longed for sleep. I think we all feel this way at times, whether we have children or not, whether our children are young or older; sometimes it is just part of being in a fallen world. In Genesis 3, after the fall of man, God's curse to Adam was that his toil would increase and that by 'the sweat of your brow you will eat your food'; simply living in this fallen world would become tiring and painful.

However, God is compassionate and gracious.

'He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.' Isaiah 40 verse 11

' “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”' Matthew 11:28-30

These verses both show how God knows the pressures we may face, and particularly mentions how He is gentle with those who have young. He knows what this season of life can be like. He knows that there will be days when simply getting through the day can feel like a real challenge.

I take great comfort in that! If you feel worn out this Sunday evening, I encourage you to stop and rest before the God who knows exactly how you are feeling.

Hebrews 4:14-16: 'Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.'

Jesus was fully God, but He was also fully human. He knew fatigue, loneliness, hunger, rejection, physical pain, grief, temptation and frustration - there are examples of all of these in the Bible that we can learn from. However you are feeling right now - perhaps you may be tempted to compromise, or to question whether the choices you have made are really worth the hard work - look to Jesus. Hebrews 12:1-3: 'Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.'

I think we can also learn a lot from the story of Martha and Mary. Particularly when under pressure, I become more like Martha - there seem to be so many things that need doing, in all areas of life, that my tendency is to make more and more lists, to get busier and busier, until eventually I snap (either collapse with exhaustion, become paralysed with feeling overwhelmed, or become emotional over small things). 

Luke 10:38-42 tells the story: 'As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary,who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”  “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Whatever is going on in your life - whether you are thriving on the bustling activity, or feeling overwhelmed and close to breaking, take the example of Mary and choose the one things which is best.

And on that note, I'll go and find refreshment in the only place where it can really be found.

Communication: A 'language barrier'

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,holding fast the word of life... Philippians 2:14-16

Today I want to consider communication. Rather than a theoretical consideration of what is required for good communication skills, I rather wish to discuss a challenge I seem to face with increasing frequency. The Oxford English Dictionary defines communication as 'the imparting or exchanging or information by speaking, writing or using some other medium'. In objective terms, I think my communication skills are reasonable - I have won several prizes for oral presentations and I have been invited to write blog or opinion pieces on contemporary issues facing Christian doctors. Yet in my personal life, I sometimes feel I  am speaking a different language entirely.

Let me illustrate this with a recent example. Two nights ago, I was at work and two colleagues were discussing their young children and the frequency with which they wake through the night. They asked me how often mine woke, and I was quite honest and said that they all woke every two hours until about eight months of age, but that after a breastfeed they would settle immediately. I said this a couple of times, and then both colleagues said, 'You must have got lucky because my baby wakes up crying a couple of times every night'. Did they not hear me when I said my child woke as often or more often than theirs? But I think the difference was that I spoke in an upbeat manner, because to me, waking through the night is a normal part of life with a young child.

I've reflected several times on this blog about the need to look at the positive in every situation. I believe this is not only important, but a biblical instruction for how we should speak. I am also aware of the dangers of speaking negatively about our children, rather than embracing our God-given role. 

I do not think Christians should present a false, trouble-free perspective on life, but neither do I see myself as doing this. I continue to speak quite openly about the pain of having had a child die, and use this as an illustration when talking to others about the need to consider priorities carefully whilst there is opportunity. Whilst discussing the wonderful opportunties presented to our family through our flexible  and international work patterns, I am also frank about the fact that you cannot 'have it all', and that there have been times, particularly over the past few months where my husband and I have both felt quite stretched. When I am amongst Christians, for example at our church mid-week housegroup meeting, I try to be quite honest in describing the current challenges - for example that our family have all been unwell over recent weeks, or that we are heading for another international move later in the year and there are uncertainties involved in this, or even the fact that my husband and I have only been out for dinner alone together three times over the past five years. 

My difficulty is this: People do not seem to hear me. Sometimes I wonder whether if I were to break into tears or start to drop responsibilities, that maybe things would be different. I sometimes feel as though I am asking for support and encouragement as clearly and directly as I am able, yet those words are not heard. What I cannot find an easy answer to, what I am hoping some commenters on  the blog may be able to advise on, is how does one communicate vulnerability and need without moaning, displaying excessive emotion, or showing obvious signs of not coping? 

In the past, it has been clear that our profession can be a problem. I've been told on more occasions than I can recall that 'it must be easier to have a sick or dying child as doctors because you understand medical things'. I don't really understand that. When my daughter's heart stopped, I knew immediately that the outcome would be death or severe neurological disability to the point where at first I didn't even want to start resuscitation. We were able to accept her condition as terminal more readily than others perhaps, but that acceptance didn't mean it was easy! When our son had septic shock, we were only too aware of what that might mean (although praise God! He is now a healthy five year old). Sometimes I want to tell people in simple terms, 'Doctors are human too. We feel pain. We get tired. We get ill. We get lonely'. But again, with friends I do try to communicate simply the situations, challenges and opportunities that we face, in order to be able to mutually support and encourage one another in our various roles. 

Perhaps homeschooling creates a barrier too. There can be a perception that we never get tired or frustrated with our children. And as I know many other home educating parents feel, there is sometimes an unspoken 'you should just put your children in nursery/ school/ childcare' when we do talk about being tired or struggling to do the simple things like attend hospital appointments. Sometimes when you have made a choice to do things differently, others see it as a tacit criticism of their lifestyle (and so become defensive). Or on the other hand, sometimes people see you as being full of perpetual energy, patience and creativity and don't understand that you have vulnerabilities too. I don't know how that could be changed. Certainly meeting up with other like-minded families is a helpful encouragement, but it doesn't always offer practical solutions.

Today, I am simply left with the question of how to communicate clearly and effectively, without complaining or being emotionally manipulative. (To me, to deliberately show emotion in order to get a response would feel manipulative - I am not saying that public displays of emotion are wrong, or that others who display more emotion than I do are using that to manipulate others. I just know that for me, this would be a deliberate thing, and would not seem right!).

Can you relate to this challenge? If so, I am most grateful to hear how you approached things! Last year, a friend challenged me about how our lifestyle lends itself to true community and fellowship. I believe it is possible, but I feel I am facing a language barrier at the moment!

Challenge: Illness

It's a challenge when a parent who home educates becomes ill, because you can't just call in sick the way one might do with an external job. It simply does not seem possible to get the rest that you would really like! I've recently reflected on how much I appreciate that our health is, by and large good. We've had some times of serious illness among the children, I have a chronic illness that I manage better as I get older, but in general our health is not a limitation during the average week or month.

These past couple of months have been a challenge simply because we have faced one virus after another. I had two days when I did need to call in sick from my job, but most of the time it has just been chronic aches and pains and lots and lots of snot. The thing I struggle with then is that I simply don't have the energy to do some of the extra things I would really like to do. My experience with illness (and indeed with most challenges in life) is that God gives sufficiently (2 Corinthians 12:9). Whilst this giving is often abundant, it is not always in excess of the actual needs presented. And that causes me to stop and consider those things that really matter. We might often use phrases like, 'You can't do it all', but at the same time, continue to burn the candle at both ends, take on extra projects, try to be in several places at one time. But the truth is, we cannot do it all. But as Jesus reassured Martha who was frustrated at her sister Mary's lack of help in the kitchen, 'Only one thing is needed'. (Luke Chapter 10, and a helpful book expanding 'a Mary heart in a Martha world' is reviewed here). Often as Christians, we can 'know' certain things, but it is times of challenge and trial which really remind us of what is true.

There are a number of helpful blogs describing how certain families have continued home schooling through the illness of one or both parents. (Simply google 'homeschooling whilst ill' and other similar keywords and you will find many hits). It can be helpful to read how other families have approached situations, but there is always that problem that nobody else's situation is exactly the same as your own - sometimes comparisons can be helpful, but sometimes you want to ask, 'What about if we have nobody to ask for help?', or 'what about when X, Y or Z?'. I would encourage you to sit down, to reflect and to pray, both alone and with your spouse, about those things which really matter. If we are talking about short term illnesses which are part and parcel of being human, then having a list of essential tasks and priorities might be all you need to lift the burden enough to recover. (Of course if you are facing something more challenging - perhaps requiring frequent hospital visits, operations, or treatments that make you feel very unwell for a prolonged period, then the decisions you need to make as a family are different - and I will not attempt to address these here).

What are the things that really matter? For our family, this could be our list:

1) Three meals. Whilst we cook everything from scratch, and often seek to involve the children in the cooking as a great educational opportunity, there is nothing to be ashamed of in having a meal from the freezer, opening a few tins, or having cheese on toast as a main meal. So long as it is not every day! It might be worth freezing batches of meals you have cooked at other times, in anticipation of such 'rainy days'

2) Bible time. Especially when people are not well, it is important to remember that God has not changed, and that His promises are particularly rich.

3) Time out in the fresh air - this can be a challenge if you are feeling dreadful. What I have found helpful when I've been less energetic than normal is to take the boys out on their bikes (they are aged nearly 3, 5 and 5) because then I can walk quite slowly around the park whilst they whizz up and down, playing races and all kinds of other games and generally getting cold and tired. It uses a lot of their energy, and conserves some of mine! (And also, a small amount of time in the fresh air is generally helpful).

4) Stories. Because we use literature-based methods, it can be quite nice to cuddle up on the sofa and read some of our favourite books time after time. I ask the boys to bring me a book each, and this keeps on going as long as their attention holds, which can be a good hour or so.

5) Free play. The boys all still nap, but the older two for a shorter time. Sometimes, if I am feeling awful, when they get up I let them choose a favourite game or toy (often lego) and ask them to play quietly on the floor whilst I rest on the sofa. I have been surprised at how kind they have been when they realise that mummy isn't well, and how well they have been able to play with little supervision for about 40 minutes.

6) Something else I keep for such rainy days is you tube Bible stories, such as those from the Beginners' Bible which I would highly recommend. We don't have 'screen time' as part of our day to day life, and I am glad for that, but it can have occasional value if the material is carefully selected (wildlife documentaries are also a big hit). I've explained some of my concerns about television elsewhere, but heard this delightful poem by Roald Dahl on the radio this evening, which says a lot!

And often, then, the day has almost passed. It can feel like survival. It can feel wrong to go to bed at 7.30pm shortly after the children. But we have managed to do the things that matter most, and another day is over.

I wonder what strategies you use when you feel very unwell?

New Year Reflection

Do you set 'new year resolutions'? I used to when I was younger, but over time I have come to realise that if something needs to be changed, the time to start is today. I also know that many goals actually take time to achieve, and to seek to suddenly change habits, bring in a healthier lifestyle, mend relationships, take up a new hobby and always to speak kindly and lovingly to others is simply a recipe for failure, disappointment and discouragement. I believe that as Christians, we are in a process of being transformed into the likeness of Christ - but that this is a lifelong process which will have triumphs and setbacks along the way.

Having said that, I do like to take time at new year to reflect on the year gone by and broadly consider the year ahead. Recently I've posted on some of the encouragements we have enjoyed; whilst I believe it is important to think and speak positively, like every family we face challenges from time to time (and indeed that was one of the reasons I started this blog a couple of years ago).

Areas of Encouragement:

1) I am pleased with how Bible education is so fundamental to the structure of our family life. Every day begins and ends with a time of Bible reading, prayer and often singing. No matter what we have planned for that day, or no matter what kind of day it has turned out to be, this is as much part of our daily routine as brushing our teeth or eating. When I read about challenges faced, I realise that many families find a regular family devotional time a struggle. For us, it is important that this never just becomes part of the daily routine with no deeper meaning or value, and it is something we pray about daily. If this is something you struggle with, here are some tips that we have found helpful:

• It can be short. At first, we would just read a psalm together after breakfast
• Whilst I try to have the boys sitting with me on the sofa, I sometimes let the two year old play on the floor whilst we read - there are times when it is more important that we have quiet for the older two than try in vain to have all three sitting perfectly. (However, we do try to get them used to sitting together nicely at this time - it reaps dividends on Sunday mornings in church because it is so much part of our daily life.)
• I ask the boys what they would like to read - they are coming to know and love many of the Bible stories, and there are days when they want a particular story. When their attention is on it, they can listen for long periods
• We use the 'adult' Bible - usually the New King James, but sometimes the NIV. I've commented on this elsewhere, but I think there is a tendency to dumb things down for children a bit too much these days, and if we use a childrens' Bible, they often get distracted by things that are not actually in the Bible (such as one where Goliath shouts to the Israelites, 'I am going to eat you on toast!') - we do have several childrens' Bibles with different levels of English and different styles of illustration, and I think these are a helpful adjunct and we often use these, but when it comes to family devotional time, we find it much easier and less distracting to stick entirely to Scripture
• If there is a particular thing that has happened, or something we are struggling with, I try to find a relevant passage - this helps the boys to see that Scripture is timeless and applies to all situations. They realise that our God is a living God who cares about the details of their lives
• We try to choose songs that tie in with what we have been reading
• At night, we follow more of a structure, reading through a particular book

2) Their education is taking a bit of shape. For quite a while I wondered whether we should be using a curriculum or just maximising the opportunities in daily life. Without really realising it, we have formed a pattern that works well for us - so well that we keep going on Saturdays, or when we are on holiday, very much because (quoting Charlotte Mason), 'education is an atmosphere, education is a life'. Now, we have reached the point of looking at materials and we are quite excited to be starting Sonlight in the new year (we have not yet chosen the specific materials, but I've been enjoying their Forums and some local Facebook pages for advice). We have chosen this because our learning tends to be very literature based - we spend many hours cuddled up on the sofa reading, and particularly enjoy 'living books'. I am pleased when I reflect on how things have evolved, because one of the joys of home education is that each family is different, each child is different, and each pace is different - it would not be right to do something simply because others do, or to reach some kind of imposed target, but rather because it is what helps your children learn (and enjoy learning!).

3) I've written elsewhere about travel. For the past 10 years, we have been a mobile family, and to be honest have never really felt 'at home' back in the UK. When I reflect on this, I understand that as Christians, our true home is not really in this world at all. The boys are quite content to move between cities and between countries, and I particularly enjoy seeing them grow with a global worldview and perspective. We have some helpful resources from Operation Mobilisation (a map on the wall with statistics and figures, and a childrens' version of Operation World); the children understand how blessed they are with so much materially and a stable family home, and are learning that there are others who have far less. One of our sons was briefly in an orphanage, and now that he is five there are sometimes more questions asked. We receive calendars every year from the charity which tell the stories of other children who have been looked after by the orphanage, and I hope we are providing a balanced perspective of the situation.

Challenging Areas

Whilst seeking to focus mainly on that which is good, there are some things which remain quite a challenge:

1) Discipline. There are days when it seems that the whole day is devoted to correcting and disciplining the children. Sometimes it seems we can't even move on with the more interesting educational activities I have planned because there is so much need to talk to the boys as individuals, spank when necessary, sit them on the bottom stair, have them tidy up the messes they have made and so forth. It can seem that we are just getting over one problem when something else happens and round and round it goes. I find these days quite exhausting. I also know that these are the times when I have to watch my own attitudes and motives, particularly if I am tired or unwell. I must take care not to discipline in anger. What reassures me (at least a little) is when I read other blogs or home education pages and realise that other families feel like this at times too. And whilst there are days when I find myself wondering whether they would not be better off out at mainstream school, when I actually think about it, I realise that one big advantage of home education is that we can devote the time that is needed to character formation. And that as Christians, we can pray about all these things and teach the children to rely on the strength that God can give.

2) Loneliness. I think some of it is simply a phase of life. My husband and I both work part time (which can be 30-50 hours in a week, involving antisocial shifts and quite a bit of work in the evenings).  (This itself can make us seem a bit different, in both our church/ Christian communities and also in the workplace. The key thing is, that we are 'fully persuaded' that this is the right pattern for our family at this present time) The children are still young and quite dependent, so it can be difficult to have a conversation (by phone or face to face) when they are around, and often once they are asleep, there is other work, or tidying/shopping or planning to be done, so we don't spend much time in relationships. We moved church about a year ago after returning to the UK, and although it is on our doorstep, don't really feel that we have deep, encouraging relationships there either. I don't know how much is because we are a bit different, how much is the pace of our lives, or whether there is something we also need to change. With the coming new year, both of our jobs will change, perhaps becoming a bit more regular. We are praying for wisdom in how we use our time, and that we can build relationships with those around us.

3) Sleep/ tiredness! I have always thought we had quite good sleep patterns (all 3 have always napped together, and have the same bedtime). But over the past year (or maybe a bit longer?) the middle boy has woken shortly after 5. And once he is awake, he decides the world should be awake with him, and will sing at the top of his voice, make frequent bathroom trips and try to wake his brothers. We spend the next couple of hours periodically getting him to go back to bed until it is really morning. It sounds a small thing, but over time it does get quite exhausting. (We are usually up in the night with the youngest too, but that isn't quite as irritating because it is just for a toilet trip and he then goes straight back to sleep). It is something that can try our patience, and we need to be careful that we get enough rest (and if worn out, try hard not to allow this to make us grumpy!). We don't tend to talk about tiredness (because who isn't tired? And it can so easily degenerate into moaning, self-pity and competitive 'I'm more tired than you' type conversations that never helped anybody). But these past couple of weeks, whilst we've all had a succession of viral illnesses, it has been tough!

There have been more challenges and encouragements and there is plenty more to reflect upon as the New Year beckons. But for now, I am going offline and plan to enjoy a peaceful evening with my husband! Happy New Year!

An unusual experience

Today something surprising happened, and I would be interested to know what your thoughts are.

The situation: Middle child was restless and guests were due to arrive. So husband took son for a brisk walk of about 2 miles near the cottage where we are staying. About 20 minutes after getting home, the police turned up on the doorstep because of a couple of calls about a 'suspicious' man with a young boy seen walking in this direction.

What was suspicious? The police tried to tell us it was because they had been walking on the verge of an A road (a main road) which was unusual. My husband thinks it might be because of the speed they were moving at - our son was running most of the way to keep up, but this was intentional and enjoyed! What nobody wanted to mention was that my son is black African and my husband is white, so they do not 'obviously' belong together.

In four and a half years back in the UK, nothing like that has ever happened! I used to get the occasional sideways glance whilst breastfeeding, and we are often recognised out and about because our children are distinct, but no police visits!

My thoughts are jumbled:

1) On the one hand, I am relieved that people would report suspicious behaviour and that the police response was rapid
2) At the time, it was highly amusing (our friends who were visiting are white Africans)
3) It is sad that there would be a need for a concern to be raised (but I am aware this world is not a pleasant place a lot of the time)
4) I am glad that my sons are not old enough to really understand what it was all about
5) I can't understand why nobody was willing to admit that colour played a part in this - I was happy to say to the policeman that I could understand why a query was raised because of the differences in appearance
6) I am sad that race does still play a part. My sons are 'colour blind' in that respect, and we have friends of many colours, mixed race marriages, adopted children - for us it is totally normal for children and parents to look different, or for siblings to look different to one another. Clearly this is not the case in different parts of the country

What do you think?

Encourage one another

I recently posted about contentment, and recognising that God gives each one of us sufficient grace every day for our unique circumstances. When feeling under pressure, there is nothing better than to take time to reflect on what the Bible teaches us about God's amazing, father-like provision.

We spent the afternoon with some of our friends who also home school their children. There is much to be said for finding a community who can encourage and strengthen you as you make choices that often seem strange and foreign to many of those around you. We spent most of the time just keeping an eye on a lively bunch of children aged six and under as they climbed trees, dug in the soil for worms, harvested wild apples, travelled to a far off land on a Viking longboat (that part being imaginary, the rest real!) and got into the occasional scuffle. We talked a bit about phonics (some of us very against the method, others in favour, others neutral!), elementary mathematics for boys using objects that can be manipulated visuo-spatially, overseas travel and relationships.

These friends were surprised when I commented that I felt isolated. They then both admitted that they felt similarly, but hadn't realised I did. Their reasons were that I seem well organised, seem to know a lot of people, seem very active and generally get on with life. But in some ways, can this be a reason for isolation at times? There have been quite a number of occasions over the past few years when I have tried very hard to tell people I have a need of some kind or other, but it seems as though I am speaking a slightly different language and I am not heard. Today, we talked a little about how as home educating families, we are often pro-actively involved in our churches and communities, often (at least aim to!) have an open and welcoming home with plenty of food on the table and listening ears (or if not the ability to listen wholeheartedly, plenty of opportunity for distraction from the troubles of life!). These are all good things that we should not seek to change. But can it make us more isolated?

I don't have an easy answer or a neat, punchy conclusion to this post, and I'm sure it is something I will revisit. But here are a couple of thoughts to start with:

1) We really do need community! One of my temptations when feeling different and misunderstood is to isolate myself further, and thus ensues a vicious cycle. This is not right, not biblical, and can lead to feelings of bitterness which are sinful.

2) We need a small group of friends with whom we can be honest. The book of Proverbs has much wisdom about the choosing of friends or advisors, and also cautions against being too open with too many people. But we should choose friends that we can share our burdens with honestly. We should be able to pray for one another. And sometimes we don't support one another in their needs because we simply don't realise they are there. I wonder as home educators whether there are times when we feel we need to project an aura of capability? One thing we talked briefly about today was how it can be difficult to ask for help with childcare, such as to visit the doctor, or even to spend one on one time with a person who might benefit from that. We hear the unspoken, 'If you would just put them in school, then you wouldn't need help here' or occasionally comments to that effect. But the fact is, just because we homeschool does not make us super-human or immune from human frailties and needs. Indeed, one could argue that we perpetuate the myth by being reticent to share our needs! Similarly, it can be difficult to admit that our children are testing our patience at times. I was somehow reassured to realise I was not alone in this, but became more aware that it is a real problem at times.

3) We should seek to bear one another's burdens. This means thinking about those close to us, and how we can better encourage them. Jesus tells us to do unto others as we would have them do unto us (Luke 6:31). We are reminded to go the extra mile with others (Matthew 5:41). We are to encourage one another, and consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24)

4) Jesus tells us that through showing genuine love for one another, others will recognise the truth of His saving grace in our lives (John 13:34). Ways of showing this love are getting to know one another properly, listening carefully, actually asking how we can help and support, looking for ways to do random acts of kindness for one another

5) I'm aware that in churches we can often focus on those who are obviously 'needy' in some ways. I am not saying that these people should by any means be neglected, but that we must also remember to pray for and seek to serve and encourage those who seem to be strong. If I can feel isolated and struggle and not even my closest friends have realised, then there are probably many others in the same situation.

Like I said, no easy answers but some issues that those of us who are involved in communities of home educators should be aware of as we truly seek to encourage one another on this adventure which is so very worthwhile, but at times also the biggest challenge we have ever known.

If you've got experience of this, or wisdom to share- please do leave a comment!

Contentment

1 Timothy 6:6 'Now godliness with contentment is great gain'

I've been thinking quite a lot about contentment lately. Previously I've considered how we can make a positive choice to be thankful, and how we can choose how we talk about things, particularly our children.

Right now, I feel a temptation to be discontent. I have been feeling envious of others who seem to have on-hand grandparents who take an active role in their grandchildrens' lives and who try to help the parents get some rest/ time together/ enable them to attend doctors appointments without the children etc. For us, both sets of grandparents live 250 miles away. One set will willingly travel to us for the day and help if there is a specific need, but it does feel like a big thing to ask (and so we would only ask for big things, like interviews or operations). The other set are not interested at all, and never seem to consider how my husband and I manage to get our schedules to work out so that one of us is always home with the children. Lately, we've both had heavy workloads extending into most evenings, and it seems too long since we've really had much time together. And with the tiredness comes a tendency towards self-pity.

And as you may know, that starts a nasty downward spiral of negativity that helps nobody.

'Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord; looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled...' Hebrews 12:14-15

There is a lot in there. I am very struck by the link between missing God's grace, and the emergence of a root of bitterness; in my life this is very often the case. Bitterness often comes when one feels wronged, as though somebody has owed something but not paid up. I can feel bitter because I feel that some of our family somehow owe us something, relating to help and support with the grandchildren (or just generally, an interest in our lives). But the truth is, they don't. And there are many children who don't even have living grandparents, or families where the father or mother has died. But more than that, more than looking at the situations of those who have difficulties in this present life, there is a far greater and more positive challenge to consider:

'Now I say that the heir, so long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father. Even so we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, 'Abba Father!'. Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ'. Galatians 4:1-7

There is nothing greater than that. To be adopted - to have the same rights as a biological child. So whilst my parents might not provide any comfort or encouragement, I have a FATHER in heaven, God Himself who gives abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine if I only would look to Him and receive that precious gift of grace. You see, I think when we look at those things that we don't have, and start to feel sad about these, we miss the much greater blessings that we have in the spiritual, eternal realm.

'When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me'. Psalm 27:10

I remember the first time I read that, coming from a broken and dysfunctional home. God knows that some of us feel hurt and rejected by our own family, but He will receive us and give us the right to become His adopted children. How can I feel self-pity when this is the reality?

'Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal'. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Tiredness, loneliness, chronic aches and pains, repeated disobedience from the children, endless sweeping up crumbs, constant interruptions, broken nights - all these things are 'light and momentary afflictions'. In fact, more than that, I see them as exactly the type of challenges referred to by both the Apostles James and Peter, which develop in us all manner of godly characteristics. Because parenting truly is teaching me to deny myself, to not be selfish, to love unconditionally, to go the extra mile. It humbles me. It draws me to my knees. There are days (the days we all prefer to blog about, the ones when we put photographs on Facebook) when we see the sweet, rich rewards of investing in our children. But there are days when it feels more about endurance, peace, perseverance, patience and trying to continue to demonstrate joy, love and gentleness throughout (cf Galatians 5:22!)

These things are not unknown to the God who is our adopted Father. He knows our pains, tears, frustrations. He knows the wounds that broken relationships may bring. He knows the desires of our heart. Yet this same God, back in the early days of history, told the children of Israel 'do not covet'. 'You shall not covet your neighbour's house; you shall not covet your neighbour's wide, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything else that is your neighbour's' Exodus 20:17. That list would include your neighbour's circumstances, their social network, the time they seem to have with their husbands, and so on. I am sure you may have your own list where you are tempted - but the bottom line is, God says 'don't do it'. James tells us to 'flee from temptation'.

And so, I choose to look to where my hope lies. 1 Peter 1:13 reminds us to 'set your hope fully on the grace to be brought to you when Christ is revealed'. Fully. Not to set our hope on worldly comfort, or on relationships, or on our children's futures. Fully on Christ. Fully on His grace.

Today, I choose to be thankful that I am an adopted child of God, and a co-heir with Christ. As you ponder this amazing truth, may God give you a true perspective and contentment with where you are today.

Vocabulary

I've recently enjoyed my boys using very descriptive language every day. For example, the two year old telling us that his meat was 'succulent', or the four year old describing his pudding as 'marvellous'. There have been times when they have used an unusual turn of phrase, and I've wondered to myself, 'Where did they get that from?' only several days later to realise it comes from one of Edward Lear's poems or from a book we are currently reading aloud together. And as I have considered this, I have made one or two observations.

Childrens' books today seem to have a very limited vocabulary. It is almost as though the author has thought that she must use simple language to be comprehensible to young children. I would disagree with such a presumption! My boys have loved Laura Ingalls-Wilding's stories of children growing up in pioneer America, which use beautiful and often elaborate descriptions of the activities which took place in their day to day lives. Arthur Ransome describes adventures on the high seas in his Swallows and Amazons series, and again, uses words which are often complex. It is interesting how the children rarely ask for a clarification, but rather are often able to understand new words from their context. And when they do stop to ask, they enjoy learning the new words. Has there been a change over the past 50 years? Comparing Ladybird books from the 1960s with those from recent years shows a huge change, and I see it as a sad loss.

I wondered whether anything had been written on this area. Much of my searching discussed oral communication, and the adoption of very colloquial and often simplified language. Other papers discussed childrens' language development in terms of parental interaction, educational status etc. Yet others refer to the increasing use of electronic forms of communication, the increasing numbers of children who are in childcare from young ages and so have less one on one interaction with their parents and insufficient time being read to as factors in stunted language development. But I am not really thinking about 'abnormal' language development, but rather a general decline in the use of English in our society, and in particular in terms of what is expected of children.

I wonder whether some of it has to do with the rise of phonics as the main method used to teach reading. The English language is notorious for having many words which do not obey the rules of phonics, and so if you stick to words for which the pronounciation can be deduced easily from the spelling, then it is easy to miss a great many words. Personally, I find phonics frustrating - whilst I can see the benefits, I am yet to find any 'early readers' using a phonics approach which are not completely 'twaddle' as Charlotte Mason would term it. Some time back, I was reflecting on what John Holt had noted about how children learn to read, and would agree with his observation that some children simply find it patronising to be given dull, simple material when they yearn for more. My children certainly do fall into that category, and would much rather I read a 'real' book to them aloud, and then they will point out the words they recognise and sometimes even start to read a little by themselves spontaneously. Furthermore, from what I understand, nobody really understands how children learn to read, how much is phonics, how much pattern recognition, how much the personal drive and desire to interpret the 'code' etc. Separating out one single element of this seems to me educationally naive.

Another, slightly sad observation has been how others react to young children who use complex words. Often it is laughter, and occasionally even comments like, 'They'll get picked on at school if they speak like that'. It seems that blending in and being average is considered more important. On other occasions, adults have misunderstood the boys, and when I have repeated what was said, commented, 'Yes that was what I heard, but I didn't expect it from them' because  it is not typical. I find that sad, and also slightly concerning. We are home schooling our children for many reasons. We read to them and speak to them in rich vocabulary, not to make them different or 'precocious' but simply to enable them to use good English and to enjoy rich colourful descriptions. But how many children in mainstream education have this delight stamped out of them by peer-pressure or through being fed material which is 'suitable for KS1' etc?

I wonder whether you have any thoughts on this, or what your experiences have been?

Boys and early learning

I've been thinking again about differences between how young boys and young girls learn, and how these differences affect how we schedule our lives. There is still that questions of what is 'nature' versus 'nurture'. For example, our boys are extremely active. There is never a day that we do not go out for a walk, and on most days we have two walks one of which will be at least three miles long. If we don't have this level of activity, the boys seem to struggle to focus, there is a deterioration in standards of discipline and obedience, and things are just generally difficult. But is that because we have trained them to need this amount of time out of doors being active, or is it because they have a genuine biological need? And does that question really matter anyway?

Reading around the area, I've found some interesting evidence on how brain structure and activity differs between the sexes. This article is really useful. A PET scan is Positron Emission Tomography - it is used to determine which parts of the brain are most active during different tasks. So you could put a child in the scanner, and ask them to complete a verbal task and watch which parts of the brain light up. It is a relatively new technique and seems to be shedding a lot of genuine biological light into what parents and teachers have recognised for generations. Based on these, and other findings, leads some to recommend that schools educate boys and girls separately for educational (rather than social) reasons.

I have often been frustrated by the numbers of my friends' boys who are given a 'label' or diagnosis, when it seems that they simply have a normal, healthy, lively child who needs to have his energies focussed and channelled. Indeed, I read somewhere (cannot remember the source right now) that 25% of primary age boys in the UK are diagnosed with some degree of Special Educational Need, such as Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. It frustrates me especially because I can see how my own boys might risk such labels if they were expected to sit in a classroom for a whole day, with no fresh air and minimal opportunities for running around or choosing which activity they would like to focus on.

Several Home Schoolers have written helpful articles and blogs on how to bring the very best out of boys, tapping into all their talents, using their energy and creativity to enhance other subjects, and generally bringing them up to be men of the future. At 'The Encouraging Home', Mary Glendenin summarises 'must haves for homeschooling boys'. I've reached many of the same conclusions and have a similar approach in many ways, and wish I had read this post earlier. I particularly like the way she is honest about how being physical, getting grubby, being continually on the move and embracing non-traditional educational opportunities does not necessarily come naturally to her. Parenting is in many respects an act of sacrifice. It is not about 'me', about 'my needs', 'my choices', 'my preferences'. It is about using all our God-given resources to honour our calling to raise our children well in the midst of a godless generation. And I admit, that there are days when I would much rather curl up on the sofa with a massive pile of books than put on my waterproofs and go out in the freezing cold, but it is what my children need!

Once again, as I consider these things I am grateful for the choices we have made to homeschool. It is not always easy. There are days which are physically exhausting. Some days they can seem very focussed and do the more 'traditional' educational activities such as drawing, writing, being read to, playing games etc, but there are other days when they seem like unfocussed bundles of restless energy. My middle son can be particularly trying and perplexing at times - he will refuse to do things (such as writing) when he is quite capable when in the right mood, and there are other times when he cries and seems very upset and frustrated and we cannot work out why. Some days, we can see real breakthroughs and little by little he is gaining confidence. But I shudder to think of how he would be in a mainstream school without the individual attention, patience, gentleness and love that he needs.

It is often on the days that I find hardest, the days when I am tempted to think, 'I wish somebody else could step in here', or 'surely anybody could do this better than I am', that I realise that in fact these are the days when it is most important of all that we have the consistency, discipline, but also love and patience that the children need. And I do not imagine that our children are so very different from boys across the world.

I'd be interested to hear your comments about educating young boys!

Holiness: What we teach our children

Lately I have been considering holiness. What is it? What might it look like in 2014? How do we teach our children the importance of a holy, godly life without introducing legalism? Whilst the children are still in their formative years, whilst they do not yet have a transforming relationship with the risen Lord, how can our homes best model not only the love, joy, peace and hope of Christ, but also appropriate reverence and honour?

‘Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober and rest your hope fully on the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, ‘Be holy, for I am holy’. 1 Peter 1:13-16

‘Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord’ Hebrews 12:14

What does this word even mean? I often find words become somewhat corrupt with time, and the word ‘holy’ might bring certain unhealthy stereotypes to your mind. Perhaps the person who is described as ‘holier than thou’ who is basically judgemental, or maybe people who remain in a ‘holy huddle’ and do not engage with the world and its challenges and difficulties. But what does it really mean.

Quoting RC Sproul (link contains a more detailed discussion of this point), To be holy is to be separate, in a class by oneself. It is derived from an ancient word meaning ‘to cut’ or ‘to separate’. When the Bible calls God holy, it means primarily that God is transcendentally separate. He is so far above and beyond us that He seems almost foreign to us. To be holy is to be ‘other’, to be different in a special way.

To be holy is to be morally pure. But it is more than just purity. ‘Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifeted up his soul to an idol, and has not sworn deceitfully’. Psalm 23:3-4

The first ever Bible study I did was on holiness. I was seventeen years old, in my first year at university and had been a Christian for about three months. I had acquired an exhaustive concordance, and basically looked up ‘holy’, ‘holiness’ etc and worked through, verse after verse. Many of the references were found in the Old Testament books of the law, particularly Leviticus. It became clear to me that the punishment for anything that fell short of God’s perfect holiness was death. Often this could be appeased for through the complex sacrifices which were offered day after day, month after month, year after year. But it was only through Christ’s death, His atoning sacrifice once and for all, that we have the liberty to ‘approach the throne of grace with confidence and boldness’. (Hebrews 4:16). I think Christians can become blasé to what Christ has saved us from. (I would recommend you read Leviticus and then read Hebrews immediately afterwards to really appreciate this amazing salvation).

Lately I have been shocked (and I do not think that too strong a word to use) by a few things. One example was our Bible study being cancelled for an ‘evangelistic’ event of watching the football and drinking beer (or at least the beer drinking was not compulsory, but it was clearly on offer). I really struggle with this type of thing; yes, we are called to be ‘in the world but not of the world’ (John 17), and yes, we need to build some level of relationship with those around us to be in a position whereby they ask us ‘to give the reason for the hope that you have’ 1 Peter 3:15, but are we not at risk of becoming so like the world that there is no distinction? This is not to mention my concerns about serving alcohol at church events (described extremely frankly by a friend of mine. I do not think Christians need be fully abstinent, but I do think we need to be very wise, and if there is any doubt then to abstain).

I think to fully cover how we can be in the world, actively proclaiming the gospel, drawing alongside those that do not know God from all walks of life and all nations, and yet remain pure, distinct and holy would require at least half a dozen books. (I’d love to know your recommendations if you have any!). The Apostle Paul is often quoted for saying ‘Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win  the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law…I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some’ 1 Corinthians 9:19-22. What I think the enormous challenge is, is how we do that, without compromising our own holiness. Of course a point of great importance is that holiness has a lot to do with our heart attitude towards the Lord, to do with our own reverence, and that this is something which is only seen by God. One could do all the ‘right’ things, yet simply be exercising legalism and so not bringing God glory. Conversely, I am sure you can think of examples where somebody has been criticised by the established Christian organisations (churches or mission organisations) for being too worldly, yet has achieved much for the Kingdom of God. Hudson Taylor was spurned by some of the other missionaries because he chose to live and dress like a Chinese man, growing his hair long and dying it dark; in that respect he paved the way for much of what is now taught about cross-cultural work. It might not be appropriate for somebody engaged in a ministry to the homeless and street workers to wear a smart suit and a shirt and tie. These are examples of external things. One could argue that it is not possible to reach those who enjoy going out for a drink without going to the places where these drinks are served.

Sometimes the key is whether something is done with what could be termed ‘gospel intentionality’. Is a person really going to a certain place, dressing a certain way, consuming a certain type of food and drink, exposing themselves to particular music and entertainment in order to reach others with the good news of Jesus Christ? Really? If so, then they should also have prayer partners who are aware of this, who are praying for their witness and who will hold that person accountable to remain pure and holy in that situation, and to stand firm in the face of temptation. I knew many students who were active in the Christian Union who would go to nightclubs to ‘witness to their friends’, but often what I would see was the much stronger pull of the world on my Christian friend who would then fall into sin and compromise, and achieve the exact opposite of what their spoken intention was. And on honest reflection, I was guilty of the same error in certain situations; my initial intention might have been good, but did I really achieve anything of eternal value? 

With my children, the types of questions that arise when I consider personal holiness include:

1)      What entertainment they are exposed to (we do not have a television, something I have discussed here before)

2)      What books they read (so many childrens’ books seem to glorify disobedience and dishonouring of parents, and the stories for slightly older children often have a sinister, slightly occult theme running through)

3)      What clothes they wear, trying to teach the importance of being appropriate for the circumstance (and I am often relieved I have boys, because some of the clothes that are sold for young girls do not encourage purity and modesty, and possibly leave those girls vulnerable)

4)      What we talk about and how we talk to each other and about other people

5)      Standards of discipline when out and about in a group

6)      And so often we quote Philippians 1:27 ‘whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of Christ’

The second, related issue which has bothered me relates to the Sabbath. When Moses received the ten commandments, these included ‘Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. Six days you shall labour and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor the stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it’. Exodus 20:8-11. I have never heard a professing evangelical Christian claim that any of the other nine commandments are no longer relevant, but honouring the Sabbath is often seen as a little quaint and old-fashioned, or frankly legalistic. Why should this be? And it seems so ‘controversial’ that pastors are afraid to preach about it plainly and it is often glossed over as a matter of individual conscience at Bible studies. But the word of the Lord is there, and I believe it to be of great importance.

This link is to a helpful discussion of why the Sabbath is still important. Thinking more specifically about our children, what do I want them to learn?

1)      That we have a special day to really focus on the worship of God which is the most important thing of all

2)      That God has given us this special day not for mundane tasks that can be done at other times, but for worship, for fellowship, for taking time to enjoy the gifts He has given. This is a delight, not a burden.

3)      That one can prioritise and do everything that is truly necessary in six days; the only times when one should work on a Sunday would be when there is an unforeseen situation (Jesus talks about the man whose sheep falls into a ditch on the Sabbath and points out that it would be daft not to pull it out because that might be considered ‘work’) or when we are scheduled to work (this might apply to nurses, policemen, doctors, etc)

4)      That we can trust God. He promises ‘those that honour Me, I will honour’; even when we feel pressures of exams or preparation, we should trust God by working hard six days and then resting on the Sabbath.

What I find challenging is when well-meaning Christians undermine this, almost laughing at the idea of holiness in our current generation. I don’t think we always get things right by any means – there may be times when we are inconsistent, or where we set a rule or a standard that is not required. But the principle of keeping the day separate, special, holy must remain.

A challenge with children is that when they have not developed that relationship with  the Lord, they will not fully understand our motivation. We want them to see that Christianity is not about rules and regulations, about things they cannot do, but about God’s grace, provision, protection and about His love towards us as His children. As I have written before, it is so important that as parents we model this to them, and that they see our passionate love for Christ and our delight at living within the boundaries that He gives us.

I’d love to know how  other Christian parents approach some of these issues, and whether you have helpful resources you can recommend!